Welcome to The 2035 Grand Salami Season Preview. Thanks again to Grimes for writing a little bit about each team. I didn’t provide any commentary due to time constraints but tried to provide a little more information on some facts surrounding the teams as the prepare for the latest MLB campaign. As always this preview is ordered by the first Power Rankings of the season. Any team that didn’t export before 10pm EST for Opening Day had an AI generated lineup for the rankings, of which there were six. Always expect a lot of early season fluctuations with these.
Many thanks again to Grimes for helping out with this.
Chicago White Sox
LAST YEAR: 116-46 (1st) – Won World Series
PROJECTION: 110-52
MINORS: 13th
CAPTAIN: 3B HUNTER DICKSON
SPARKPLUG: OF BEBETO GONZALEZ
ACE: P ADAN DEL RIO
FIREMAN: P MARCOS DIAZ
MERCENARY: 2B DREW BOWSER
PROSPECT: P SCOTT COMBS
CANCER: P SERVANDO HIDALGO
VOID: 3B ELIJAH HOWARD IS FA
EXPECTATION: The White Sox are the odds-on favorites to three-peat as pennant winners. In five years they’ve grown their budget from 30th to 7th. #Winning
WHY THEY SUCK: Fifth starter because I have to come up with a reason? Perhaps a little too balanced against right-handed pitching? I don’t know, I couldn’t leave it blank.
San Francisco Giants
LAST YEAR: 102-60 (2nd) – Lost in World Series
PROJECTION: 104-58
MINORS: 11th
CAPTAIN:
SPARKPLUG: SS TJ BRUCE
ACE: P SANTINO PIZARRO
FIREMAN: P SANG MANGENE
MERCENARY: OF JINX FLOYD
PROSPECT: OF JOJO CARMOUCHE
CANCER: CF ELI GRAHAM
VOID: 3B ANTHONY VILLAGOMEZ IS FA
EXPECTATION: The Giants continue to load up, piling up pennants and remaining near the top of the shortlist of annual contenders. Some concern has to be paid to everyone getting old at the same time.
WHY THEY SUCK: Not the biggest David Norris fan in the world. A lot of good bats, no elite bats.
Seattle Mariners
LAST YEAR: 95-67 (5th) – Lost Wildcard
PROJECTION: 106-56
MINORS: 8th
CAPTAIN: CF DWAYNE FONSECA
SPARKPLUG: NONE
ACE: P JEREMY BRAND
FIREMAN: NONE
MERCENARY: 2B JASON LEDEZMA
PROSPECT: P ELIJAH MAPP
CANCER: 1B TONY HERNANDEZ
VOID: LOST P MICHA ELIAS
EXPECTATION: Building their team as the antithesis of everyone else, the Mariners will rely on hit parades and an arm barn full of starter-types seeking a second 100 win season, a second pennant, and a first championship.
WHY THEY SUCK: Perhaps the best team I’ve put together in TGS. Will likely need bullpen help as the playoffs get closer. Outside of Tony Hernandez, not a lot of dingers.
Cincinnati Reds
LAST YEAR: 106-56 (1st) – Lost in Quarterfinal
PROJECTION: 102-60
MINORS: 26th
CAPTAIN: OF TOMMY DE ANDA
SPARKPLUG: CF GILBERTO TREJOS
ACE: P JEREMIAH STRONG
FIREMAN: P ROBBIE JONES
MERCENARY: OF LEO VARGAS
PROSPECT: OF GABE SANTA ANA
CANCER: P ARAMIS VALENTIN
VOID: OF DANIELO BRANDT IS FA
EXPECTATION: The Reds might be the best team in the league, and are projected to be better than last year’s 106 win edition… and the Gabe Santa Ana era is about to begin.
WHY THEY SUCK: Perhaps got a little lucky with Gregory Lee’s health last season. Lack of strikeouts could put pressure on defense, and some spots may not be up to the challenge.
Minnesota Twins
LAST YEAR: 98-64 (3rd) – Lost in ALCS
PROJECTION: 95-67
MINORS: 2nd
CAPTAIN: 3B BRADEN SHEWMAKE
SPARKPLUG: P CYCLONE REAGAN
ACE: P LUYS RESENDIZ
FIREMAN: P MATTHEW TAUL
MERCENARY: 1B BRIAN DOWNEY
PROSPECT: P JON CORBETT
CANCER: 1B WARREN BOOTH
VOID: LOST OF RAY SHEN
EXPECTATION: The Twins retooled, as they are wont to do- contingencies on contingencies. With the #2 system in the league and a talented major league roster, this organization knows what it is doing.
WHY THEY SUCK: Team will score a ton of runs, but they’re going to need them with how many they’ll also give up.
Miami Marlins
LAST YEAR: 85-77 (7th)
PROJECTION: 96-66
MINORS: 20th
CAPTAIN: 3B ZACHARIAH PORTER
SPARKPLUG: P DANTE BRITO
ACE: P DYLAN TAPIA
FIREMAN: JOHN DONHAM & IVAN ORTEGA
MERCENARY: NONE
PROSPECT: P ARNOLD MURDOCK
CANCER: P JAYDEN CAUDILLO
VOID: NONE
EXPECTATION: The Marlins continue to be very good per dollar, but their limited budget limits their upside- staying close to the race they still need to catch lightning in a bottle.
WHY THEY SUCK: Overpaid for Linc Adams to play in a park that doesn’t suit his game. Going to be a ton of low scoring games in Miami, but they should end up on the better side of a majority.
Chicago Cubs
LAST YEAR: 90-72 (5th) – Lost in Wildcard
PROJECTION: 94-68
MINORS: 16th
CAPTAIN: CF HANK GONZALEZ
SPARKPLUG: SS MARTIN BOOKER
ACE: P LEWIS POPE
FIREMAN: P KYLIAN PITCH
MERCENARY: OF SPENSER WARD
PROSPECT: P ABRAHAM FOLEY
CANCER: 3B HECTOR ALANIZ
VOID: LOST P ROOSEVERT PAZ
EXPECTATION: The Cubbies have TGS’s version of Tony Montana, BAD GUY Hector Alaniz- and say hellow to his little friend, because the world is his to HIT.
WHY THEY SUCK: Tons of players with good leadership to balance out the clubhouse cancer that is Hector Alaniz could jeopardize the ultimate potential of the team.
Kansas City Royals
LAST YEAR: 98-64 (4th) – Lost in Quarterfinal
PROJECTION: 88-74
MINORS: 23rd
CAPTAIN: CF IAN GARCIA
SPARKPLUG: P KENT HOWLEY
ACE: P CLINT ESSERT
FIREMAN: P NILES PICHARDO
MERCENARY: NONE
PROSPECT: P CONNOR BELL
CANCER: P HENDRIX CAMPBELL
VOID: LOST C NACHO VASQUEZ
EXPECTATION: The Royals maintain one of the league’s very best rotations, which gives them a good chance to return to the playoff. Ian Garcia’s health is the key to everything- the WOLF was hindered by a hammy this Spring.
WHY THEY SUCK: Jun Villas is a good example of how a pitcher does well in FIP, but is close to league average at run prevention.
Cleveland Guardians
LAST YEAR: 98-64 (2nd) – Lost in Quarterfinal
PROJECTION: 89-73
MINORS: 10th
CAPTAIN: SS CHRISTOPHER HSU
SPARKPLUG: 2B JEAN-PIERRE RICARD
ACE: P NICK VOIGT
FIREMAN: P BILL JENKINS
MERCENARY: P KURT RILEY
PROSPECT: P PRINCE NIEVES
CANCER: SS JEREMIAH PITTMAN
VOID: LOST OF PLINIO OCAMPO
EXPECTATION: The Guardians broke their playoff drought with a 98 win outburst in 2034. They’ll need some good health to repat that number, but they’ll be in the race this year.
WHY THEY SUCK: Prior to last year’s 28 dongs, Vance Ledford’s previous career high for a season was 7. His power has increased, but is anyone expecting another season with 25+ HRs?
St. Louis Cardinals
LAST YEAR: 81-81 (10th)
PROJECTION: 89-73
MINORS: 14th
CAPTAIN: P JIM FEATHER
SPARKPLUG: 2B SPARKY BALTHASAR
ACE: P NEIL NICKOLS
FIREMAN: P ANTENOR FALCON
MERCENARY: OF PEYTON SHEPPARD
PROSPECT: OF IVA HUCH
CANCER: P SANTIAGO PINA
VOID: LOST 2B DREW BOWSER
EXPECTATION: The Cards are all-in this season, although it hasn’t made a difference in the prognotications. But looking at a roster full of all-stars, 90+ wins wouldn’t be startling.
WHY THEY SUCK: Ernie Lugo at 3B is going to let a lot of balls get past him and his cement shoes.
Los Angeles Dodgers
LAST YEAR: 72-90 (11th)
PROJECTION: 85-77
MINORS: 5th
CAPTAIN: OF BILLY STANLEY
SPARKPLUG: P MOTOJI OZAWA
ACE: P JP BOGGIAN
FIREMAN: P DREW HAWKINS
MERCENARY: SS NOAH SMITH
PROSPECT: OF JAYCE ANDREWS
CANCER: 3B REY MONTANO
VOID: LOST 1B JIMMY REYNOLDS
EXPECTATION: The Dodgers are going to break their playoff drought this season unless something goes horribly awry- and if it goes bad, it is gonna be the offense’s fault.
WHY THEY SUCK: They aren’t playing Jeff Malin (35 range) in RF anymore, but instead they are playing Jayce Andrews (48 range). The 2034 iteration of the Dodgers flirted with a league record negative ZR. This team might not do that, but it should still be bad.
Tampa Bay Rays
LAST YEAR: 90-72 (6th)
PROJECTION: 82-80
MINORS: 22nd
CAPTAIN: OF ANGEL CHAVEZ
SPARKPLUG: 1B ELI BYRNS
ACE: P ELAN VINSON
FIREMAN: P JOSEPH FRANCISCO
MERCENARY: P MANNY ALMONTE
PROSPECT: OF RODRIGO GARCIA
CANCER: P DYLAN REYES
VOID: LOST OF LEO VARGAS
EXPECTATION: The Rays are masters of run-prevention, but they’ve still missed the playoffs the past three years and may be on the fringe again.
WHY THEY SUCK: Probably not enough oompf out of the bats to score enough runs to seriously threaten the playoffs, and the rotation isn’t strong enough to win a lot of low scoring games.
New York Yankees
LAST YEAR: 67-95 (12th)
PROJECTION: 82-80
MINORS: 27th
CAPTAIN: NONE
SPARKPLUG: 1B SCOTT NUTT
ACE: P ANEURY FABA
FIREMAN: P KEITH HOPKINS
MERCENARY: OF PLINIO OCAMPO
PROSPECT: CF RONALDO PAREDES
CANCER: P OSCAR GUZMAN
VOID: LOST C KEIBERT RUIZ
EXPECTATION: The Bronx Zoo is a volatile bunch with a whole range of outcomes- but they are gonna score. Will they score enough to outpace questions on the mound?
WHY THEY SUCK: The Yankees weren’t the worst fielding team in MLB last year (Dodgers), but they were bad, and I can’t see them being any better this year. Team is setup to hit dongs and not much else.
New York Mets
LAST YEAR: 93-69 (3rd) Lost in Quarterfinal
PROJECTION: 82-80
MINORS: 18th
CAPTAIN: P JUNIOR ANAYA
SPARKPLUG: OF TRAVIS BARCO
ACE: P CAL FINCH
FIREMAN: P MARSHALL LEE
MERCENARY: NONE
PROSPECT: 1B ZOSIMO CALDERON
CANCER: 1B ELIAS OSORIO
VOID: LOST P CHUNG-NAN LIN
EXPECTATION: The pre-season projections aren’t enamored with the Mets but this could be a team of destiny. A whole lot of good players rather than a combination of stars & scrubs.
WHY THEY SUCK: The lineup should be very strong if deployed to the maximum. Pitching is very weak though, and the stuff they do have can’t be relied on to stay healthy.
Los Angeles Angels
LAST YEAR: 72-90 (10th)
PROJECTION: 79-83
MINORS: 3rd
CAPTAIN: SS QUENT O’CONNER
SPARKPLUG: NONE
ACE: MARTIN DELZOPPO
FIREMAN: P PETER RICHARD
MERCENARY: OF JUSTIN JACKSON
PROSPECT: P JAIME CARDOZO
CANCER: CF NICK LEDDICK
VOID: TRADED P SAMMY HEIDEN
EXPECTATION: The Angels are projected to hit the fewest dingers in the league as they engineer a rebuild that saw them ship out a league high 20.7 WAR. This year will be a struggle- by design. In a few years it should pay dividends.
WHY THEY SUCK: I’m not sure api will suck as much as he might want in the coming season, and that’s evident in the first power ranking projection for the Angels. Pitching is going to be much below the standard of the last two years.
Colorado Rockies
LAST YEAR: 83-79 (8th)
PROJECTION: 79-83
MINORS: 30th
CAPTAIN: 2B JEREMY DORTMAN
SPARKPLUG: OF HOLLIS KNEISS
ACE: P ADDISON PURSER
FIREMAN: P CRISTOPHER CURIEL
MERCENARY: P GRAHAM SECKMAN
PROSPECT: CF ALFREDO ACOSTA
CANCER: P RJ BANEGAS
VOID: LOST 2B JASON LEDEZMA
EXPECTATION: The Rox are a good team, but that’s not enough to get them a ticket to the playoffs in an NL with seven good teams, two great teams, and five playoff spots.
WHY THEY SUCK: The starting pitching just isn’t there to allow the team to be successful in Coors, and the fielding behind them is only going to make it worse.
Montreal Expos
LAST YEAR: 91-71 (4th) – Lost in NLCS
PROJECTION: 80-82
MINORS: 25th
CAPTAIN: CF JIM EITEL
SPARKPLUG: SS EPIFANIO CARRASO
ACE: P OWEN WENDELKEN
FIREMAN: P JAY LACROIX
MERCENARY: P ROOSEVERT PAZ
PROSPECT: P ALEX SERRANO
CANCER: P JD CASTRO
VOID: LOST P KURT RILEY
EXPECTATION: Moving back to their Ancestral Homeland, the née-Nationals replaced Iron Man Kurt Riley with totally wrecked Roosevert Paz, so… that should go well; Call it 90-72.
WHY THEY SUCK: Could be an end of an era in Washington/Montreal. Back of the rotation needs help. T.J. Mooney hasn’t really shown he has it five seasons.
Boston Red Sox
LAST YEAR: 73-89 (9th)
PROJECTION: 58-104
MINORS: 9th
CAPTAIN: NONE
SPARKPLUG: JACE LOSCHER & PEDRO CEVALLOS
ACE: NONE
FIREMAN: P RHYS DUNFEE
MERCENARY: CF PIETRO CAPRIATI
PROSPECT: CF STEVE INGLE
CANCER: P AARON BRITO
VOID: TRADED SS TJ BRUCE
EXPECTATION: The rebuild is in full swing this year, but the team expects Pietro Capriati to usher in the next era of contention in the near future.
WHY THEY SUCK: Perhaps the worst team in the American League. Just a lot of holes on both sides of the run equations
Toronto Blue Jays
LAST YEAR: 78-84 (8th)
PROJECTION: 73-89
MINORS: 19th
CAPTAIN: P KERRY GROSS
SPARKPLUG: P ADAM GALLO
ACE: P SU-CHANG KYM
FIREMAN: P KIYOSHI NAKATA
MERCENARY: P HECTOR RIVERA
PROSPECT: P OLIVER CLONCH
CANCER: 2B CAMERON MILLICAN
VOID: 3B STEVIE O’CALLAHAN IS A FA
EXPECTATION: With a mediocre system and an organization on the downswing, if they can get something for Malik Mills or Lincoln Braden they should. They’ll always have 2032!
WHY THEY SUCK: A couple good bats and then a whole lot of crap. When Darian Cintron is your Opening Day CFer, it’s going to be a long season.
Houston Astros
LAST YEAR: 59-103 (14th)
PROJECTION: 72-90
MINORS: 7th
CAPTAIN: NONE
SPARKPLUG: NONE
ACE: NONE
FIREMAN: P CALEB FOSTER
MERCENARY: P LIAM AMERSON
PROSPECT: P BRICE DUERR
CANCER: P TJ BLISS
VOID: TRADED P TEO HERNANDEZ
EXPECTATION: A horrendous clubhouse atmosphere could be part of the recipe for another top 5 pick in 2035- it might be hard to watch, but that’s its own sort of entertainment!
WHY THEY SUCK: As with the Tigers, should be better this coming season. Team won’t score a ton of runs, but they might not give up a ton either (still negative run differential).
Detroit Tigers
LAST YEAR: 57-105 (15th)
PROJECTION: 73-89
MINORS: 15th
CAPTAIN: CF MARCUS STRIPLING
SPARKPLUG: CF EMERSON PADERES
ACE: P TYQUAN JACKSON
FIREMAN: P NELSON CEJA
MERCENARY: P CHUNG-NAN LIN
PROSPECT: 2B LLOYD SUNAZ
CANCER: SS FREDDIE ALDAPE
VOID: TRADED P CHIP ANZURES
EXPECTATION: The Tigers are an organization in transition- they’ll likely be better than last year’s last place record unless they embrace the tank.
WHY THEY SUCK: Shouldn’t be as bad as last year, but the pitching should get knocked around on the regular despite the addition of Chung-Nan Lin in free agency.
Texas Rangers
LAST YEAR: 81-81 (7th)
PROJECTION: 70-92
MINORS: 29th
CAPTAIN: 1B ESTARLY AGUILAR
SPARKPLUG: OF ADAM MAESTOS
ACE: P OLIVER BARRY
FIREMAN: P ANDY MATTHEWS
MERCENARY: NONE
PROSPECT: P TJ SWICK
CANCER: CF AUSTIN NAGEL
VOID: OF CLINT MACHADINHO IS A FA
EXPECTATION: If this team floats around .500 another year, it might be time to consider selling off the assets and initiating the rebuild- 2031 was a flash in the pan and the system is desolate.
WHY THEY SUCK: Money issues aside, the middle of the infield is looking a little weak, and the overall lineup balance may be too focused on right-handed pitching.
Milwaukee Brewers
LAST YEAR: 82-80 (9th)
PROJECTION: 74-88
MINORS: 17th
CAPTAIN: 3B GLEYBER TORRES
SPARKPLUG: OF JONATHAN DURAN
ACE: P HANSER SANTANA
FIREMAN: P RYUUICHI NAGAMURA
MERCENARY: P MONTEZ VALENTIN
PROSPECT: P GRAYSON McGARRY
CANCER: P SHAW ROBINSON
VOID: P BOBBY JO GRAHAM IS FA
EXPECTATION: The Brew Crew have floated around .500 the past three years after their window closed. I expect them back in the title talks without ever hitting bottom… but maybe not this year.
WHY THEY SUCK: Rotation isn’t quite there, and Weston Thibodeaux isn’t helping them out a bit behind the plate.
Philadelphia Phillies
LAST YEAR: 70-92 (12th)
PROJECTION: 67-95
MINORS: 4th
CAPTAIN: 2B JONATHAN MENDEZ
SPARKPLUG: SS RICK DUFFY
ACE: P PAT JIMENEZ
FIREMAN: P JACKSON RUBLE
MERCENARY: SS RAUL GARZA
PROSPECT: CF JULIO PALUMBO
CANCER: P EMILIO MEDINA
VOID: LOST CF SAMUEL TURNER
EXPECTATION: The Phils have a top five system and a bottom five roster- they’re running out of parts to sell off, but that’s okay, it’s time to regain the interest of their ‘very big’ market ahead of their next run.
WHY THEY SUCK: I love me some Junior Reyes, but deployment of the lineup might be the biggest obstacle.
Arizona Diamondbacks
LAST YEAR: 69-93 (13th)
PROJECTION: 67-95
MINORS: 21st
CAPTAIN: P MARCO BADILLO
SPARKPLUG: 2B JAIME PARRA
ACE: P NAZAR FUENTE
FIREMAN: P JEFF FLYNN
MERCENARY: CF SAMUEL TURNER
PROSPECT: C BJ NOWAK
CANCER: SS GABE ARTINO
VOID: LOST 1B MANNY SANCHEZ
EXPECTATION: The Diamondbacks are not good yet, but they are marching towards .500, a place they have not been in fifteen years.
WHY THEY SUCK: Two of the best players in the org are buried in A or lower. Depending on who makes the cut, could have a team chemistry issue.
Atlanta Braves
LAST YEAR: 50-112 (15th)
PROJECTION: 62-100
MINORS: 28th
CAPTAIN: NONE
SPARKPLUG: 1B VICTOR JENKINS
ACE: SP HIRAM MEDINA
FIREMAN: P VIDAL HIDALGO
MERCENARY: P DAN BERTELSEN
PROSPECT: P TODD ELICK
CANCER: RYAN BAUMAN & BLACK TABOR
VOID: LOST P LUKE WALLACE
EXPECTATION: With a depleted roster and a barren system the Braves are years away from relevance- but they do have some pitchers that should draw interest on the trade market.
WHY THEY SUCK: Waived a top 10 catcher in the league (Milan Daucik) to play Juan Alonzo who signed a minor league deal this off-season.
Baltimore Orioles
LAST YEAR: 73-89 (9th)
PROJECTION: 58-104
MINORS: 9th
CAPTAIN: NONE
SPARKPLUG: JACE LOSCHER & PEDRO CEVALLOS
ACE: NONE
FIREMAN: P RHYS DUNFEE
MERCENARY: CF PIETRO CAPRIATI
PROSPECT: CF STEVE INGLE
CANCER: P AARON BRITO
VOID: TRADED SS TJ BRUCE
EXPECTATION: The rebuild is in full swing this year, but the team expects Pietro Capriati to usher in the next era of contention in the near future.
WHY THEY SUCK: Perhaps the worst team in the American League. Just a lot of holes on both sides of the run equations.
Oakland Athletics
LAST YEAR: 68-94 (11th)
PROJECTION: 55-107
MINORS: 1st
CAPTAIN: NONE
SPARKPLUG: OF JAMES McCASLIN
ACE: P THIAGO FREUND
FIREMAN: P CARLOS MARINES
MERCENARY: P RINTARO SHIRAI
PROSPECT: P DAMIEN HARDY
CANCER: SS NOAH WALKER
VOID: TRADED C NATE GREGORY
EXPECTATION: The rebuild is on and the A’s should bottom out this year before they open up their next window of contention- with the #1 farm, it won’t be long before they’re back at the top.
WHY THEY SUCK: Team isn’t setup to win now, and there’s no way to bring in any meaningful reinforcements to help boost the lowest fan interest in MLB and help out their budget situation.
Pittsburgh Pirates
LAST YEAR: 51-111 (14th)
PROJECTION: 52-110
MINORS: 6th
CAPTAIN: CF MICAH BOYKINS
SPARKPLUG: P JARED LITTLE
ACE: P MAX NINIMANU
FIREMAN: NONE
MERCENARY: NONE
PROSPECT: P TINO BARRIOS
CANCER: OF ELIJAH BELL
VOID: TRADED 1B NICK MARINO
EXPECTATION: The Buccos are out of the ocean and into the sticks, but hope that #1 overall prospect Tino Barrios is almost ready to usher in the next playoff appearance at the three rivers.
WHY THEY SUCK: