CBA Hot Stove Dictionary
by C.C. McCandless
Winter Leagues are upon us, and the CBA Hot Stove season is in full swing. Whether this is your first winter as a general manager in this league, or you’re a seasoned veteran that has been here since 2021, the odds are that you will be able to take advantage of the following translations in one way or another. Presenting: The CBA Trade Block-Spin-to-English Dictionary.
“WILL LET GO CHEAP!”: His salary will crush your payroll like an anvil.
“GOLD GLOVER”: Can’t hit his own weight.
“SILVER SLUGGER”: Glove like a frying pan.
“A CATCHER WHO CAN HIT”: He has an arm like Johnny Damon and wears himself out chasing passed balls back to the screen.
“OBP MACHINE”: No glove, no speed, and his eye rating is 25 points higher than anything else.
“FORMER FIRST ROUND PICK”: Was never as good as he was supposed to be.
“GREAT TOOLS”: Tantalizing high potential ratings that he never reached.
“UNDERACHIEVING”: This guy drives me to drink, but maybe he has a potential rating somewhere appealing enough that somebody will take him off my hands.
“PERFECT BENCH PIECE”: Pinch runner or defensive substitute that is utterly worthless for more than one inning.
“EXCELLENT RESERVE NUMBERS”: Will never produce as a major leaguer.
“VETERAN STARTER”: A pitcher that’s 35 years old, with three years of declining performance and ratings about to fall off a cliff.
“BACK END OF ROTATION STARTER”: A washed up long man that I have had to start due to no better options.
“GREAT STUFF”: Throws 96-98. That’s all he does.
“PERFECT PLATOON BAT/GREAT FROM THE RIGHT SIDE/BLAH BLAH BLAH OPS as a RIGHTY”: Cannot hit a right hander to save his life.
“PERFECT PLATOON BAT/GREAT FROM THE LEFT SIDE/YADDA YADDA FANTASTIC ONE SIDED NUMBERS”: The most mediocre lefty reliever makes his swing look like an unhinged screen door in a tornado.
“NEEDS A CHANGE OF SCENERY”: A hitter that I thought would be much better than he is.
“NOT A GOOD FIT FOR MY PARK”: A pitcher that gives up more bombs than John Wasdin.
“WILL LISTEN TO LOAN OFFERS”: This guy is okay, and I want to keep him, but my team stinks and we are definitely in no-man’s land this year.
“SERIOUS OFFERS”: I’m not trading this guy unless there’s an absurd overpay on the table.
“I’M OPEN TO TRADING”: I’m definitely not trading him.
“MIGHT CONSIDER TRADING”: No way in hell am I trading this guy.
“A PROSPECT WITH UPSIDE”: He sucks, but he’s young.
“A GREAT FIT FOR A SL OR BL TEAM”: He sucks in the Premiere League.
“UTILITY GUY”: He sucks, but plays five positions.
“HE WAS THE 2024 BLAH BLAH BLAH or HIS OPS IN 2023 WAS YADDA YADDA”: He used to be decent, but now he sucks.
“STREAKY”: He sucks but he had one good month.
“NOT A WORLD BEATER”: He really sucks.
“DALLAS IS IN THE MARKET FOR…” Bend over. ; )
